Why it’s terrifying to embody the authentic Self

As children we have varying levels of trauma that cause the self to shut down and hide away parts of the authentic self from the world. These are unconscious choices we make to self abandon as a need to be accepted, liked, loved, etc.

I was always psychically open, I came in with these gifts as a child. I thought everyone else was just like me… well that wasn’t exactly the truth. I would say things that I knew and people weren’t necessarily ready for a tiny human to be telling the truth of a situation when everyone else was happy living in cognitive dissonance. When I learned this was not accepted by those around me, I learned to shut away these truths and to hide my inner knowing out of fear of rejection. I began to people please.. to use my psychic gifts to make sure everyone liked me. So I could make sure I was the version of self that would be accepted.

Fast forward to my mid 20’s. Woof. Not good. I was a shell of a human being. Constantly self abandoning to make sure everyone else was happy and okay and that they “liked” me. But in reality they liked a false version of me. Resentment and inner turmoil built. Self hatred festered. I was drinking and smoking to escape the hell of my reality, that of which I had ultimately created. I was angry at the world and I didn’t understand that anger was because I was ultimately angry at my self.

Fast forward to my spiritual awakening… wait what there’s actually more to life?? God/ Source/ the Angels/ Spirits/ Ascended masters/ deities are real?! Yep. I began my dark night of the soul/ awakening which spanned over 15 years, with times of great illumination and times of deep darkness. The shadow work I did over this time brought me back to these wounds, showing where I had self abandoned, where I had hid away my Self to be accepted. I saw the people pleasing patterns and how I almost never spoke my truth out of fear of rejection. I saw how I created it all, not in a blaming way but in an illuminating way where I could now take my power back and change my trajectory.

The rewiring of these patterns has been a JOURNEY! But I wouldn’t change any of it. The only way out was through and I love the person I am today because of ALL of it.

BUT constantly choosing to be my authentic Self is fucking terrifying. I constantly am up against those deeply rooted patterns and fears of rejection and people pleasing. Those 3d ego rooted fears will never be completely gone but I changed how I looked at them and acknowledged them. I had to rewire the new belief that if people reject me, they are not my people. I have to have my own back and the right people will magnetize in because of that vibrational match of authenticity. And dude, it’s happened and is continuing to happen.

The more I listen to my inner knowing and guidance the more I am led to seemingly insane magical alignment and beauty in my life. It is absolutely terrifying to be my authentic self but I wouldn’t want it any other way.. going back to self abandoning feels like a prison of my Self and there’s just no going back.

Thanks for reading my snap shot of this experience. I hope you can fearlessly choose you and change the whole trajectory of your life too. I know you can do it. Because if I can, anyone can.

Jodi Teresa